Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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