i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
