...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
