This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize