Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
