Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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