Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
