someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize