I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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