God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
