god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
