Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
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my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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