Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize
