He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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