as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
