Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
