Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
