When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
