Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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