Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
