so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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