CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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