he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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