i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
