We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
