You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
