you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Randomize
