ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
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