dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Sober January is a disaster.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
