i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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