I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
