he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
