this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize