1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
