Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
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Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
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Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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