it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
where are my eyebrows?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
