So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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