this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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