Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
