too bad you live with your parents still
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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