Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
