I need to stop coming to work sober
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
