D3 body, D1 cock
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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