Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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