fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Let's get the cat blown out
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
