Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
