How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Randomize