Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
