3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
