So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
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