I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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