I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
