Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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