whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
