Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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