My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
This house was built for laser tag.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm too high and old for this...
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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