Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
