I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize