She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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