your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
