just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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