We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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