You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
