Don't make out with my wife yet
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize