I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
