Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
jump out the window naked night went bad
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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