i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
This house was built for laser tag.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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