If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
