guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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