Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize