you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I think I just sharted jello shots
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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